I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
