the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
