I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
