I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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