Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
