i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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