I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
