was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
splinters make it hard to masturbate
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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