my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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