I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
