Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
