There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
