still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
