Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
