Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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