so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
