i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
love makes seman taste better
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
