It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
