no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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