my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
