i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there's paper in my vomit.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize