and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We talked him into tasing himself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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