I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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