One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize