i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
