he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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