we're blogging at a bar
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
