Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
