I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize