I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
