My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
