Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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