Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
