He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
