You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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