Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
