So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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