The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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