I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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