went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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