The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
