There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
