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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  oh sweet, sweet irony

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• (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid

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• (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Then he went and peed on those teenagers.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.

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