Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
