If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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