Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
