You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
