Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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