He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
