I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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