WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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