Im at strip club and am horny
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
