You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
