smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
