first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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