I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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