dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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