i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
