Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
