Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
