My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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