you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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