she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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