I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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