Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think i have two assholes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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