You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
