can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
