I accidentally had phone sex last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
