i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my sisters under your porch take her home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
