he thought i was a dude.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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