There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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