Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize